Suggestions For Creating the Life You Really Want

Hay House has just released my most recent book, The Gift of Betrayal: How To Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes. In it, I share the 14 key lessons necessary to heal your life when your world explodes. I've been there myself and I've helped hundreds of women who've had these experiences too. In the book I talk about the experience of betrayal, how you got there and what you're meant to learn from it, the role of forgiveness and healing, and a whole lot more!

I'd like to share with you some of the suggestions in the book about taking action to create the life you really want. And, the first thing I'm going to tell you to do may sound obvious or ridiculous. "Duh!" you may say when I tell you that in order to create the life you really want, you have to do "it" differently. You have to change your ideas, approaches, expectations, and behaviors if you want a different outcome. Here is another spiritual law of the universe: You will keep getting what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done until now!

So, what are some of the other things you need to do differently? What are the minute-to-minute and day-to-day pitfalls you need to face and master? I'm going to give you a series of 25 suggestions. The issues I will be covering are among the most common ones I see in intimate relationships in my clinical practice. Most of what you will be reading below applies to any relationship. So, while the focus in the wording is on "partnerships", the lessons are actually crucial to healthy functioning in every setting! Think about how these points relate to your experiences in your friendships, parenting activities, and work places.

Remember, we are all set up by our past histories to expect and replay old dynamics. But, if we want to experience different outcomes, we have to be extremely careful not to keep doing what we did. I am sure you have gotten trapped in some of the patterns I will be addressing below. Look for what you need to hear in the suggestion list I've created. Pick out, choose, and act on the recommendations that you need to adopt. (I've have had to use all of them at times…you may too!)

1. Don't be a fix it person. Be a partner.
2. Don't let your worry about hurting someone's feelings keep you mum. That kind of silence always backfires!
3. Ask for what you want and need. No one can read your mind.
4. Beware of trying too hard to please. You stop being yourself when you do that.
5. Let go of the need to control or to micro-manage. Your partner will resent it, and you'll burn out.
6. Give it time. Don't respond out of anger or hurt. Think through what you want to say before speaking.
7. Own what is yours. Don't criticize or blame others for your bad days or mistakes.
8. Apologize for your insensitivity, error, or nastiness if you've done something hurtful…even if the other person played a part.
9. Don't be too quick to give in or give up. But realize there is a time and a place for deferring or dropping it.
10. Stay in the present. Avoid future forecasting and worrying about what will happen.
11. Keep in mind that all relationships are work. Sometimes you will want to blow your partner off, or blow it all up, even if you are living your heart's desire. Keep asking yourself: Is it good enough?
12. Trust your gut. Your intuitive wisdom never lies.
13. Let go. Avoid getting attached to any outcome. The tighter you hold on to your expectations, the more life you will squeeze out of your relationships.
14. Be yourself. Always!
15. Whenever you find yourself questioning whether you belong with your life partner, ask yourself how you usually feel in his arms. Often, that's all you really need to know. For instance, if the world falls away and you're regularly at peace, you probably belong together. If, on the other hand, you often don't want to be near him, it's probably time to establish some distance.
16. Don't expect any one person to meet all your needs. No one can!
17. Be reasonable and forgiving. Remember, everyone has bad days, and falls short sometimes.
18. Be flexible about "give and take". Sometimes you'll need more from your partner and sometimes your partner will need more from you. When you both are needy and stressed, don't fight! Call for reinforcements!
19. Remind yourself that you will both experience ancient pains, fears, and trust issues in your current relationship. But, they may not be about what's happening now. You have a lot of traumatic history and patterns to reprogram. Talk about your feelings and experiences with one another to get clarity and perspective. (Talk to friends and therapists too.) Banish blame. And, check out what is really going on. Doing so will be very healing.
20. Rest easy: Sometimes you just need to sleep on it before you know what's bugging you or what you need to do. Trust that you will be given what you need, exactly when you need it!
21. Say "thank you", "I love you", and "you're the best" whenever it occurs to you!
22. Do nice things for others and let them know how much it means to you when they do nice things for you. It's very easy to take one another for granted.
23. Beware of attributing motivation to your partner's behavior. Don't assume you know why he did something. If his action hurt you, ask him about his intention. Chances are you are wrong in your assumption.
24. Make time for fun. All work and no play kills romance, friendship, and love! Schedule breaks, dates, and get-ways.
25. Focus on what really matters. Don't sweat the small stuff…and most of what consumes our energy is the small stuff!

Once you have these 25 suggestions down, you will be well on your way to creating your heart's desire! One of the most important factors in moving on with your life is changing your life for the better. Don't let old tapes and patterns keep you stuck. You can create a glorious future!

With regards and many blessings,
Eve A. Wood, M.D.

Dr. Wood's new book is now in stock at Amazon.com and available from your favorite bookseller. Click here to order directly from HayHouse.com. Please visit the website www.TheGiftOfBetrayal.com to read the Introduction and for further details.

Listen to Dr. Wood's radio show, Healing Hearts, every other Thursday.
For more information, click here:

Dr. Wood's Upcoming Events

05/26/2009
7:00 pm
The Gift of Betrayal Talk and Book Signing
Barnes and Nobel in Scottsdale, AZ

Dr. Eve Wood will be discussing her new book The Gift of Betrayal: How To Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes. She'll teach you the 14 key lessons necessary to heal your life. Scottsdale Fiesta Shopping Center 10500 N. 90th Street Scottsdale, AZ 85258
(480) 391-0048.

06/05/2009
7:00 pm
The Gift of Betrayal Talk and Book Signing
Artigone Books in Tucson, AZ

Dr. Eve Wood will be discussing her new book The Gift of Betrayal: How To Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes. She'll teach you the 14 key lessons necessary to heal your life.
Antigone Books 411 N 4th Ave Tucson, AZ 85705 (520) 792-3715 www.AntigoneBooks.com

06/26/2009 - 06/28/2009
Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health
Stockbridge, MA

Take Charge of Your Emotional Life: Overcoming Anxiety, Distress, and Depression

At this three-day event, find your unique path to wholeness with Dr. Eve Wood, acclaimed healer and award-winning author of There's Always Help; There's Always Hope, 10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life and the Stop Anxiety Now Kit. While it is easy to become anxious, depressed, stuck, lost, or overwhelmed along the way, Dr. Wood believes in each person's capacity to heal, and knows that, given the right information, support, and guidance, each of us can find our way to wholeness. In this workshop you will: "learn ten powerful steps to transform distress," "tap into your inner healer," and "begin developing your own personal Take-Charge Program for wellness." Draw on psychiatric medicine, mind-body techniques, reflective exercises, guided imagery, affirmations, thought-stopping tools, and spiritual exploration, to transform anxiety, distress, and depression. You will learn and practice tools for continued self-healing at home.

For more information, please visit www.kripalu.org/

06/28/2009 - 07/02/2009
Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health
Stockbridge, MA

The Gift of Betrayal: How to Heal Your Life When Your World Explodes

You've been betrayed by a loved one. But, you are not alone. Join esteemed psychiatrist, relationship expert and prolific author, Eve A. Wood, M.D., in this five-day, life altering workshop. Learn how to heal your life after this horrendous experience. What feels like a curse is really a blessing in disguise. Eve ought to know. She's been there herself. And she's helped hundreds of others heal their lives after gut-wrenching betrayals. You, too, can climb out of the pit of despair and live your heart's desire, but you need to know how to do it. In this workshop, based on Eve's most recent book, The Gift of Betrayal, you will: "learn and practice the 14 key lessons to heal your life," "take a series of specific action steps to create your heart's desire," "develop a personal transformation mission statement for continued self-healing at home," and "discover the roles of anger, blame, forgiveness, personal history, mindset, friendship, attitude, belief, spirituality, sexuality, passion, hope, and faith in healing." Draw on sharing exercises, reflective techniques, guided imagery, writing, and cognitive and behavioral interventions to find your own unique path to wholeness and joy. You can create a glorious future. You will be successful!

For more information, please visit www.kripalu.org/